On Dealing with Procrastination, Perfectionism, and Comparison
I stalled on sending out this email for these reasons – procrastination, perfectionism, and comparison. I have been telling myself that I lost my mojo but thinking about it, I guess I procrastinated too much, I was afraid to fail and I compared my journey just a little bit.
Whenever this happens, I’ve noticed that God always sends me things and points me in the right direction. Like the father that He is, He helps me pull through. For some reason, contents as regarding these ( procrastination, perfectionism & comparison) have been popping up in my emails, timelines, and apps. Well, what can I say, thank you, God.
This wasn’t the first email I planned to send out, but oh well, life happens.
“It may seem counterintuitive, but many people who procrastinate or avoid doing something are actually perfectionists: they’re afraid they will fail. Their rationale is, ‘I might not be able to do it perfectly, so why bother at all?”
Before seeing this quote, I didn’t think my procrastination issues could be connected to my perfectionist trait. It got me thinking, why do I actually procrastinate? I know what I want to do, I know how to do it, I know the benefits of doing at that time, so why am I stalling? I was afraid and I didn’t trust my process. I want everything to be perfect because I want to make sure whatever I create is perfect, is a masterpiece. I am afraid of shabby work so I just keep pushing until things are perfect. Plot twist, it’ll never be as perfect as I want it. I am enough and I have all I need to create.
“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best… Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight”
This got me asking, “Have I been striving to be perfect the right way?” Why am I even trying to be perfect? Is it a shield? If there’s one thing building a relationship with Jesus has done for me, is that it has thought me how to embrace my flaws, messiness and find perfection in it. In my flaws is my perfection. When it comes to my creativity, I’ve been trying so hard to be perfect and dismissing all my flaws while I try to achieve that. I can’t be perfect if I don’t acknowledge them and make them work. Lately, I’ve been TIRED and this is why.
“Your story is unique and so so different and not worthy of comparison.”
These days, it just seems like everyone is going through one thing or the other. I’ve asked myself several times, “what changed?” Life used to be simple, our minds were stronger and our convictions stronger. At first, I thought it was a case of nothing changing but people just becoming more expressive. At second thought, it’s a mix of both. Things have definitely changed, like it or not as the world changes, we are changing too. We are consuming more content, exposure is increasing and limits are breaking. In as much as all these may sound like good things, it has its downsides. Subconsciously, we now compare ourselves to other people’s standards, lives, achievements, and all sorts. There’s a thin line between admiration and comparison. A lot of times, we cross the line.
Putting out content has become so hard for me because I have admired others so much that when my content doesn’t look as good or have their aesthetic, I stall on putting it out. This has been happening for a while, I fall, I get back, but I am happy that I am striving to create and I’m fighting it. Comparison is indeed a joy killer. These days, I constantly try to remind myself that my magic and vibe is unique. I am better off doing me than trying to be others.
I’m owning my story. This is where I am, I’m struggling, I’m fighting, I’m striving to be better and I will tell my story just the way it is. I am owning my uniqueness and my difference. I am owning my journey and walking in my own lane. I am drawing creativity from my father and I’m also hoping that as you read this, you do the same.
Another thing I’m doing is going back to the basics and building up to take action. Doing things that genuinely bring me joy and spark my creativity. Creating as it comes and not holding back.
Own your creativity, be you.
The Black Writer
*Song Recommendation – Mr. Suicide Sheep, Novo Amor – Anchor ( Currently listening to this on Soundcloud and I feel my creative juices flowing)
This post was originally an email I sent to my subscribers on The Black Writers Collective.